Rainfall on a Broken Land

Dear Beloved,

Assalaam o alaikum. The first day of Ramadan is coming to a close. A question that has occupied me through much of the day is if I am worthy of forgiveness. I hold on to that question gently as I write to you. I look at the long list of my transgressions with incredulity: what was I even thinking? I resist the urge to give into self-pity.

There is hope. Today is the first of Ramadan and I am not dead. Not yet. And neither are you. The book of our deeds is still open. Everything that we have destroyed can be rebuilt. The pen awaits our next move. I resist the urge to give into unsustainable optimism. 

I let the fear and optimism burn into each other. I pray for ease, I pray for stability, I pray for forgiveness. For all of us. I look back at the year that was with dread and hope. It opened wounds that were festering for far too long and needed to be opened. Now that Ramadan is here, it is time to gently work through them, our heads bowed in front of Allah, the source of all healing. I pray for patience through pain that I do not understand. 

A very blessed Ramadan to you. I pray that you find the void in your heart filled with love for Allah and his Messenger. I miss you and I hope to meet you soon.

Smiles and Dua,
Monib

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